Such is the life of The Snakeman in December that it’s hard not to dread it a bit in late November. Not only does no one to speak of have a snake problem for me to fix, but for some silly reason no one seems to want a snake show for their holiday party. Hmmm. Maybe some little red hats? Of course, there have been exceptions - mostly corporate events. I did the company holiday party for Dallas PBI affiliate KERA/KDTN and another for The Mustang Group, a very cool tech firm in Allen. Both were a big hit, in fact the exec who booked me for the latter told me he was the biggest hero in the office the next day. He hadn’t even told most of them what the entertainment was going to be in advance.

I do a good Santa voice, maybe if I did the show in red suit and beard… SSSSssanta! Hmmm. Rudolph, you dummy! I said the Schmidt house! Ho ho ho…

Last year I was booked for Dickens On the Strand, the annual festival in Galveston. The theme was the first World’s Fair, circa 1853, so I was a period performer doing a snake show from that era. Top hat, waistcoat, period specific English accent - jolly good, what? Too bad that’s not their theme every year.

Not that I hate the holidays, it’s great to see family all in one place again and random acts of kindness seem to work better this time of year, but it can be a tough month, December.

Here’s wishing everyone safe and happy holidays. Turkey is a big part of my life lately, as it’s turning to summer in Argentina right now and Capone is on the prowl for his little balls of it. It’s really like watching a dinosaur eat.

So at the holiday table, when shove comes to push, this bird in your hand… is worth two of George Bush.

Just a little seasonal humor.